What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
