I met the friendliest cop last night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
