Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
