I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
