I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
