you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
