I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
