I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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