I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
