I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
