PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize