Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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