Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
