My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
