Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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