i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
