umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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