The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
