I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
operation harelip BJ is a go
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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