you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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