How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize