when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
