she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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