So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
