they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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