I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
