i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
