I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
