Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
