I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
