Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
