We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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