Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
