she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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