Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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