Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
