he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
