Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
