I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
