Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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