I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
