i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
