i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
