plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
