Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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