Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
