I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
