you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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