He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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