all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
