she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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