You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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