Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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