did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
