I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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