In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
