What did we do last night that was yellow?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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