i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
