Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he laminated a picture of his dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I could fuck to npr.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
