Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I looked at my own cervix.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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