They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
