Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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