Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
