I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
