Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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