Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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