like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
