You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
