I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
