mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
