My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
