I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
