The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I want a musical about memes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
