I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
