Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
