dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
