you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
