If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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