Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
