yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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