There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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