i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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