I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
