its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
