I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There r osticjed everywhere
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
