Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
