As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize