we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
