I just cut my nipple shaving
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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