I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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