Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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