I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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