I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
