You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
