You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
