I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bet he comes in French.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
