so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
