Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
