she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
